I still feel uncomfortable when friends call me brave. My bravery feels like it stems out of necessity – not nobility. I didn’t choose to be brave – I had to be brave.

Last week I found myself sitting around a fire, celebrating Imbolc, learning about the goddess Brigid, and talking spirituality with a group of folks who, aside from the hosts, I had met that night. It was then that I realized something – I am brave. Not just for saying yes to situations that are filled with the unknown, but because as we sat around the fire and mulled over if the idea of safety is real, explored what is faith, and questioned how  we might channel our resiliency for healing, we started to unearth some truths. One of them blaringly loud – I AM BRAVE. 

Brave because I am aware that I control very little, yet put my trust in my ability to respond to change. Brave because I feel prepared to tackle whatever newness the universe throws my way and because I have come to accept the only constant in life is its ability to change. Mostly, I am brave because I choose to keep showing up and existing anyway. 

I’ll admit – I love control. I love the power I feel when I can predict what will happen and organize everything to meet everyone’s perceived needs. I love having a plan and seeing it to fruition. However, it is a narrow sense of control and of power and one that is often foiled.  

As I reclaim power for myself, I am learning that it has less to do with what I control, but rather who I choose to become. I’ve been asking myself, “what have I allowed others to take from me – a sense of permission, my power to be authentic, freedom to explore and express myself fully, perhaps?” 

Up until last month I would have easily and eagerly identified as a queer cis woman. Now, after some pointed self-reflection questions and gentle curiosities from loved ones, realize that I am beautifully and mysteriously trans.

I am not brave for being trans. Rather, I am brave because I am choosing to trust and believe that in my transness I am held, loved, and worthy of being fully seen and known.

I hope you feel brave too, knowing that you are not alone and that all of you is worthy of being seen known and loved. 

Maybe we aren’t brave because we have to be – maybe we are brave because when the world seems to say we are not enough we fight back and question, but what if we are? 

 

 

Have thoughts? Want to share your story with someone? Feel free to email Chaune 😀

 

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“What have I allowed others to take from me – a sense of permission, my power to be authentic, freedom to explore and express myself fully, perhaps?”